Things in Erin’s Head 

 

It turns out, Dear Reader, that remembering a feeling is a little easier than recreating a feeling. If you read last week’s newsletter you know I have embarked on #17Summer to reintroduce into my life the feelings of love, freedom, and living in the moment like I did during the summer I was seventeen. Carefree. With ease and flow. (By the way, I received some fantastic responses to this email and thoroughly enjoyed hearing about your favorite summers!)

Day 1 was FANTASTIC. I went to the beach, I read my book, swam, had margaritas at a new-to-me Mexican place that was super yummy, and I took a nap. 

It wasn’t until Day 2 that I realized I had a serious problem. I got up, did a little bookkeeping work, loaded up the car with my beach gear, and my brain promptly freaked out. In a mini panic-attack. It didn’t understand why I wasn’t working. Why I wasn’t planning the next thing. Why I wasn’t nagging my husband over his Honey Do Novella. Whispers crept through my grey matter, “You HAD a day off yesterday, sooooo, what is it you think you’re doing TODAY? You can’t go to the BEACH two days in a ROW!” 

I tried to breathe and held a moment of gratitude for my manic brain, which was only trying to save me from myself and my frivolous ideas of relaxation. I paused in a tender moment of sadness, acknowledging that my brain is so conditioned to work overtime that it does in fact think it’s in danger if it’s not moving / creating / hustling. This my friend, is not how I want to live my life.

So I went to the beach. I was uncomfortable and so I broke out my journal and moved through my Feelings exercises. I allowed that to turn into some fun writing. When the writing just kind of ran out, I read. I swam. At home I showered and followed up with some clients about their summer massages. I went to the grocery store. Made a yummy dinner. But I remained mildly uncomfortable for most of the day – like when you part your hair on the wrong side and try to keep it like that. All Day. It doesn’t really HURT, but it’s really darn annoying.

The rest of the week I lived the same “improperly parted” life. I’d do some work (because I’m not jumping ship y’all – even at 17 I had a JOB), then try to do something fun and chill. But the working / planning / apparently extremely annoying part of my brain would try to take over and I began to OBSESS.

I obsessed over cat food (#NotMyCat was recently diagnosed with the early stages of kidney disease and the vet recommended new food and no one in our house is happy with that situation).

I obsessed over some kind of “vacation” (what I envisioned doesn’t exist, so I started figuring out how to create it – which is the exact opposite of what I’m trying to get my brain to do). 

And today, I obsessed over SHAMPOO.

I am out of shampoo (as in, I have now filled the bottle with water to get at all the soapy remnants to loosen from the sides in a frothy, cold dribble and once I use it, it’s GONE). I have had the same bottle of shampoo for two years . I received it as a gift from a friend of mine who is a Los Angeles hair stylist and when I went to buy it today I learned that THEY DON’T MAKE IT ANYMORE.

I have done twenty searches about “budget friendly shampoo for fine hair.” I have read ten different articles, all listing different brands. I don’t really want sulfates and crap, yet most natural shampoos tend to really dry my hair. I also don’t particularly want to spend $60 on shampoo (even though I was reminded of how it lasts me two years…).

I had three shopping carts open. I abandoned them all and am prepared to dig into my travel bag because I must have a little extra in there somewhere…

#17Summer is turning out to be a tad more of a challenge than I had anticipated. Jerry said, “Well, we will figure out how to make a retreat for you right here at home.” I grumbled a little bit about that, but that’s actually what I’m trying to do. Balance out my life a little. Create some space. Create some ease. Not just go somewhere else for a week and then come back to the same old crazy. 

So yes, my first week fell a little flat (kind of like my sourdough – which I have NOT wanted to talk about). But it’s a work in progress and I’m looking forward to sharing with you how it all goes, what I learn, and maybe you’ll see something in my tangled web that helps you create a more balanced life too. 

And if you have fine, straight hair and a shampoo you love… PLEASE help a girl out and give me the name. 

Because it’s all about love…

Want to Support #17Summer ? 

You’re not quite close enough to get a massage from me. You love my stories (and sometimes you see a little glimmer of yourself in there). You want to show a little support, a little gratitude, but maybe aren’t quite sure how. Now you too, can…

BUY ME A TACO

You can use this link to share the love (and keep tacos in my belly).
Because Tacos = Love. 

Because it’s all about love.