Things in Erin’s Head
Last week I had coffee with a friend and during our chat she shared an experience she had, an epiphany if you will, and very seriously she said to me, “Erin, I release you from all expectations.”
I thanked her, and possibly blushed a little. I felt a haze of uncomfortableness; a memory. I wondered for a split second what she HAD expected of me. We all hold expectations, don’t we? Yet it’s those moments when expectations aren’t met that we feel rotten. Think about it – recall the last time you were upset – can you pinpoint the source? Was it a miscommunication? Was there judgement? Were you assuming? Was the expectation for the moment not communicated? It’s something to ponder.
But after being released from all expectations, I felt LIGHTER. No one had ever told me they had NO expectations of me (like, I can just… be ME?). And Lord knows I hold a lot of expectations for myself.
As a recovering perfectionist, I am constantly trying to adjust my unreasonably high expectations of myself. Case in point: This week I have been extremely (*EXTREMELY*) challenged by technology. I lost my iTunes playlists. All of them. My domain got blocked by Google (that’s a good time, let me tell ya). In *fixing* said problem, I locked myself out of Google Workspace all together because they thought I was hacking myself. I held the expectation that I could fix all of these issues myself. Strike that.
That I SHOULD BE ABLE TO fix it all MYSELF.
You know, because I went to computer school to learn all the computer things and codes and verifications and more codes and links and whatnot (I know you picked up on the thick sarcasm in there…). Basically I know enough to be dangerous. I refuse to calculate the number of hours “wasted” in getting these things fixed… and some of it is still pending… but that expectation of myself is, well, unrealistic.
As a Caregiver, the expectations I had of myself increased exponentially. I was now responsible for my husband’s life. (See what I did there? I made myself the doctor, nurse, surgeon, pharmacist, chauffeur, personal assistant, chef, housekeeper, financial advisor, the Burro, wife, mother, lover…).
And I’d venture to say that I didn’t celebrate myself. Not once.
Not for getting the pill box right (aka: life or death situation)
Not for working while being a Caregiver
Not while helping my husband’s clients while he was in the hospital
Not for washing my hair
Not for keeping us fed
Not for resting when I was worn to the bone
I didn’t celebrate ME. I didn’t celebrate US. I wasn’t celebrating LIFE.
And yes, it’s hard. I was exhausted, terrified, and overwhelmed. But I also feel like I wasn’t giving myself enough grace.
So this month, Welcome to Caregiving launched the CELEBRATION SERIES. Yes, it’s for Caregivers. But yes… it’s for HUMANS.
We get to adjust our expectations. We get to pause. And in that space we get to celebrate all we do (and sometimes what we DON’T do).
Because you are on my VIP list, you get premier access to my latest free download:
WHAT?? No sweets and bubbles?? I know, I know, but I wanted to offer some inspiration outside the hot pink cake box. It’s a host of unique ways to take a moment to celebrate you. to Celebrate LIFE.
Because it’s all about love…
Did you love this week’s Hump Day Newsletter? Near or far, you now have the option to become a supporter at “Buy Me a Coffee.” Because it’s all about love. xoxo